Heart & Sword
by Hazel Lin
Summary: Mostly Kenshin's thoughts on his life. From the time when he met Hiko to the end of the manga. A focus on the feelings of Kenshin, Tomoe, Kaoru and others. Not really a story, but not a poem too..Chapter 8 His Smile, Her Happiness
1. Saved

Blood-red hair.

People around me had marvelled

At this unusual head.

Hair as red as blood.

Little do they know,

How acquainted I am,

With this colour

With this substance.

* * *

I remember their blood.

Hot and gushing,

With a metallic taste.

Miss Kasumi, Miss Akane and Miss Sakura.

They died protecting me.

Someone whom they had only known for two days.

* * *

I wonder, if they would have done so,

Had they known the kind of monster,

I would become.


	2. Himura Tomoe

How long? How long?

How long had it been?

It feels like I had been floating around for ever

Lost and drowning in a world of death.

Until the day that I met her.

* * *

Before her, this life was no life at all.

Every night was filled with the stench

Of blood, death, agonized screams and brokenness.

I had to do it.

For peace.

For a better future.

If staining my hands

And killing my soul,

Could bring peace to the people,

I would do it,

In a heartbeat.

* * *

There should be no peace for a person like me.

A killer who torn men away from

Their loved ones and crushed their dreams.

Yet, on that day when we met,

In the midst of raining blood,

I found peace.

* * *

Or was it that she found me?

* * *

The time with her,

Was our happiness,

However small it might be.

Unblemished by this 'life' that I had.

* * *

I should have known.

I should have known

That murderers like me

Doesn't deserve happiness or peace.

* * *

In the midst of swirling snow

And pulsing blood,

She left.

Another innocent soul.

Another blood stain on my filthy soul.

* * *

Never again.

Never again,

I swore.

Never again will another's life blood

Be on my hands.


	3. Himura Kenshin

For ten years, I had wandered.

Travelling through this beautiful land.

Seeing faces filled with joy and contentment.

Leaving behind my past

And shedding my old self.

Battousai, the man who lived in the shadows,

Is no more.

In his place, is Himura Kenshin,

A wanderer.

* * *

It was lonely,

But it was worth it.

To see the new era that I'd helped built.

By blood.

Violence and deaths.

An era of peace and hope.

* * *

The sunny smiles of men and women,

Without a trace of underlying fear.

The hope of a peaceful future.

The joy of living in a better time.

* * *

It was worth it.

I am content.

* * *

Even though no one knew

About who I was,

It is alright.

This should be the way too.

Better to be ignorant,

Than to know the horrors

Behind the establishment of this era.

* * *

It is a little lonely,

Walking alone,

But that's how it is.


	4. Kamiya Kaoru

Armed with a bokken,

With a challenging yell,

She burst into my sight.

And into my life.

Shattering the walls

That had been built for ten years.

* * *

Loud and energetic,

She brought life into my life.

Frank, yet tactful

And has a gentle and sensitive heart.

She looked into Battousai's heart

And saw Himura Kenshin.

A fighter who can fend for herself,

But a girl who needs protection.

Courageous and blood,

In times of danger.

A girl in appearance,

But a woman at heart.

* * *

She gave me something to fight for.

People to save

And protect.

She gave me the strength,

To face my past

And a hope for tomorrow.

* * *

She is my reason to live. 


	5. His Goodbye, Her Feelings

**Author's note: Woo...thank you, Lady Hawke for being my first reviewer for this fic!) I am much encouraged.   
**

* * *

In the silence of the night,

You appeared in a gentle whisper,

In the midst of falling leaves.

Sensing your presence in the night's air,

I hastened to turn around.

Glad to have you back

And relieved that

You didn't wander off to Kyoto.

* * *

When I saw your face,

I wished I hadn't turned around.

Your expression spoke volumes

Though you had yet to utter a word.

* * *

My heart sank.

Suddenly, the cool wind

Had became unbearably cold.

Cutting into the depths of my innermost being.

* * *

You told me then,

That you wanted to leave.

For Kyoto.

* * *

I sank into despair.

My worst nightmare had became reality

On this night.

* * *

Despite this, rallying my remaining wits,

I shook you,

Hoping that it'd wake you to your senses.

Begging you not to go.

Not to leave my side.

* * *

What can I do?

What should I do!

* * *

I screamed at myself,

Trying frantically to find

The words to make you stay.

* * *

The moment.

The moment,

You engulfed me in your arms.

All was lost,

My heart knew.

Nothing I say or do,

Would change your mind.

* * *

All inner turmoil fell away.

Quietened and soothed

By your embrace.

And became cold stillness.

Unbidden tears spilt

From wide and frozen eyes.

* * *

With the most beautiful smile,

That I'd ever seen,

Yet the saddest,

You bade me farewell.

Turned and disappeared.

Swallowed by the inky darkness of the night.

The echoes of your footsteps

Grew fainter and fainter.

Leading away from me.

* * *

You went away

And I could not do a thing.


	6. Lifelong Struggle

**Author's Note Once again, thank youvery much, Lady Hawke,for reading my work and leaving reviews! I really appreciate your acts..Thank you! Hmm...I do hope that this latest chapter will be pleasing to you. To other readers out there, thank you for your silent support. Please do drop me anote if there are things that you feel I can improve on..**

**I don't know what you will think after reading this chapter, but I for one, find the last few parts of this chapter a little awkward...**

* * *

Do you hear his call?

Can you feel the pull?

* * *

Hidden within the depths of depths, 

Living amongst menacing shadows.

Buried deeply in the past,

Forsaken,

But never forgotten.

* * *

He is calling. 

It is surfacing.

* * *

Do you hear his call? 

Can you feel the pull?

With every slash and parry,

Every slice and the sound

Of my sword leaving its sheath,

He draws nearer.

And nearer.

* * *

Threatening to take control. 

Wanting to fall back into

The life of bloodshed

And living on the line.

Slicing and cutting at men,

As if they were mere trash.

* * *

He is taunting me. 

Mocking that I am helpless

Against his pull.

It is tempting me.

To just let go and sink

Into blessed oblivion.

* * *

A killer lies within me. 

Red has seeped into this life.

The lines are blurred.

Day and night has merged

Into a murky grey.

The binds are dissolving.

* * *

_"A hitokiri is forever a hitokiri."_

* * *

I will prove him wrong. 

Never will I kill again.

For as long as I breathe,

I'd use all of my being

To rein in this inner demon.

* * *

All of my life.

* * *

He would never come out. 

It would never emerge.

I would never take another's life.

Never again.

* * *

Till the last day of my life. 


	7. My Kenjutsu

**Author's Note: Hello! Ah...a new reviewer! Thank you, Silent Midnight Rose!) I am very glad to hear from you. Yep! And thank you, too, Lady Hawke, for always submitting a review after every update.You had just made my day. I hope you will like this new chapter..**

* * *

Swords are killing tools.

Kenjutsu is the art of killing.

Compared with this harsh reality,

I prefer this naïve thinking –

Swords are wielded to protect and save!

To give life, not to take away.

* * *

Choosing to become a hitokiri, 

One who would always stay in the shadows.

Never be able to walk about freely in the day.

Never to leave a name in the pages of history books.

To become a faceless and nameless killer

Who wouldn't exist in the official records.

* * *

A deadly arrowhead, 

Whistling through the air,

Piercing and cutting through men

Who were against our faction.

Slaughtering to pave the way for a new time.

* * *

Though I love the sword 

And the art of kenjutsu,

I do not like killing.

Even if, I still have to wield a killing sword

And go on spilling blood, taking lives.

Stepping on grotesque rotting corpses,

In order to progress.

I will do it.

I will move on.

I have to.

If not,

All those who died

Under this filthy sword of mine,

Their sacrifices would have been for naught.

* * *

Even if each kill takes my soul closer to hell, 

I would still kill,

As long as this corrupted era still stands.

* * *

Though I had yet to find a way 

To protect the happiness of others

Without killing.

But when the new era dawns,

I will never raise my sword

To take another life.

I will never kill again!

Never!

Never again!

* * *

**Never again.**

* * *

Too many had died, 

In the hands of Battousai.

* * *

With the birth of the new era, 

I will find my own way

To defend this hard-fought-for peaceful time.

I will keep the happiness of these people,

Without shedding lifeblood.

* * *

This is my way of kenjutsu. 


	8. His Smile, Her Happiness

**Author's Note: I'm back..) Hey ho...Are you getting sick of all the angst or sappiness? Or is it just me? Hmm...My fountain of inspiration had been pretty dried up these few weeks..._sob_ Ah well...But, no worries, because, (thank God), I'd penned some stuff during those better days and the only thing that needs to be done is to upload them up..Thanks to everyone who had read my writings..) Yep!**

* * *

Whenever I turn to you,

You are always looking at me

With the softest smile.

A beautiful smile full of warmth

And great gentleness.

Yet of hidden pain

And sorrows untold.

* * *

Am I worrying too much? 

It seems to me that with every smile,

You are drifting.

Further and further away.

Withering.

Tormented by a dark past.

That I had no part of.

* * *

You had once said 

That there is no room for outsiders,

In a world of one's past.

I understand that

I had never been part of it

And could never be.

* * *

But, oh how it tears at my heart, 

To hear the keening cry of your soul.

And the blood red tears

Flowing from eyes that couldn't cry.

The cross shaped scar,

That is embedded on your left cheek,

Burns.

Scalding hot.

Even in the wintriest of nights.

* * *

You hold the happiness of others 

In your heart.

And the world on your shoulders.

But what of your own?

* * *

You are only a man. 

Not God or any heavenly being.

Though, you have the heart

Of the kindest angel.

* * *

Different people have different definitions 

Of happiness.

What is one's source of happiness,

May not be another's happiness.

* * *

For me, 

Your smile is my happiness.

* * *

**_You _**are my happiness. 


End file.
